My prayer, a spark of hope.

Third day, it feels like it's been a whole year without him. Everywhere i go, everything i see reminds me of him. How can someone love a person this much. A soda "awh he loves Dr. Pepper" a notebook "awh he loved when i would write to him and his notebook" a car "he wants a car for his bday" the list goes on and on. Yesterday I realized something i should have realized a long time ago. He's the one, the ONLY one who will ever make me happy. I know that for a fact. He has done a lot to hurt me and i admit it, but it doesn't mean he has in any way ruined my life. He poured his heart out to me, he opened up and i was there every step of the way. I've been at peace today, God is working with me. Last night I broke before him, and i prayed "God, whatever you need to do please do it now. It hurts" I set everything aside, EVERYTHING and i am focused on pulling closer to God. Cause honestly what can i do without him? If i leave it all up to myself i'm pretty much screwed. I also realized the beauty of a mans stubbornes. A man can be so stubborn in loving God and saying "God i won't let go" he can be so stubborn in loving his girl and say "That's the girl God gave me and i am not letting go" but then there's the man who does not yet know how to use his stubborness and says "God I can do this alone, i don't need you" but that man will break. Here's my prayer today...
"Dear God almighty, I want to thank you for everything you have done in my life, because i know everything is for a purpose. I ask you heal my broken heart and for you to transform it into something no one will be able to break. God I ask you for him as well. I know i'm not the only one here hurting so i ask you give him strength and wisdom in every one of his choices. I ask you protect him in everything he does. I love him so much and you know i do. Everything is now in your hands. In the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit...Amen"

Living through a heartbreak.

It's been two days, and I am dying. I'm sure any person going through a breakup can relate to me and my feelings. I look back to everything we had together, everything we did together, everything we went through together and to think it's all gone, is too much to understand. I hate when night comes around, I sleep and all I dream is him saying "babe I love you" with that cute face I love so much and those kisses I adore! Then I wake up...and realize it's just a dream. Now the thing is I don't hate him, I don't have a grudge or anything because I know he loves me. The one thing I can't seem to get through my head is, why did he give up on me. I know and admit there was things he didn't like; my jealousy, my insecurity. But if he loved me so much why just give up? He knew he was all I had left and all I was looking forward to in life. Now many people say you're only 18 you're young don't get stuck with ONE guy. Well here's my response to all that. No matter what age you are, when you fall IN love, it will be the same exact feeling as a 30 year old. When that person you're IN love with walks away, that hurt will be the same from a 35 year old. And I mean really really in love. Not a couple weeks and "oh babe i love you i want to be with you the rest of my life" NO! I mean when you really get to know that person, when you get to know their flaws and still love everything about them. When you do all you can to make your relationship happy. And lets be realistic, EVERY couple fights. There is not ONE couple that has not gotten into an argument. But that love should be the one keeping everything strong and worth it. Keep people and their comments away. Don't get me wrong, advice is good but only to a certain extent. I'm just so lost right now, i would do anything to be back in his arms, i would do anything to hug him and never let go, to kiss his face and hear him be chipilon again. I know my desires are different from his though and I must admit, it really really hurts. Time to blame myself, I know it wasn't ALL MY fault that it's over but I know part of it is. My insecurity and jealousy drove him out the door and i admit it. I regret it. I know and believe deep down that he didn't cheat or anything, but when it was at the moment i found something that bothered me i would go overboard. I've let all that go, all i want is him. But let's get this through my head and heart....He's not coming back. MOVE ON! 

A cold heart breaks, mines is torn.

About four years ago I met the most amazing guy, I was only 15. The first time I laid eyes on him I felt like he was the one. As time passed he seemed too good to be true. Then began the trouble; I fell too soon. Heartbreak after heartbreak was all I found myself with. How could I possibly love someone who loves to see me hurting? Time went by and again he held my heart, only this time it seemed different. I was happy, he seemed happy and nothing in the world would change that, nothing except the fact that there was someone else making him happy as well. WHY!? Broken and afraid I laid in my bed, day after day. I had given up completely. As time passed I learned how to cope with my heartbreak and pick up all the pieces of my broken heart. When out of nowhere he comes back. His sweet words and intention on getting my heart back and fixing it himself led me to believe he was true. These past 7 months have been the best months of my entire life. I planned a future with him; marriage, kids, growing old together, forever! I've tried all I can to be the perfect girlfriend. I feel like I have failed. Why else would he not want to be together all the time? Is that not what is wanted when two people are in love? Why has being attached to me become something to stay away from? Well today I have realized why. I'm that annoying thing that gets in the way of anything "good" that might happen to him. I'm that stubborn thing that cares too much. I'm that person that is in the way of doing everything he wants to do. I'm loved too much. I'm letting you free...but I give up. No more strength means no more moving forward. You are free to find the girl of your dreams, i will be long gone. I don't want anything to do with marriage or having kids or growing old with someone. I have given up on my life. Cause you were my eyes, you were my legs and feet, what kept me going. You were my arms and hands and what gave me strength. You held my heart......but I hadn't realized you let go a long time ago. </3

About myself.

My name is simple; Ruby. I love to write, I won't say I'm great at it 'cause I know I am not. The only reason why I do write is because it is the only way I let EVERYTHING out. I don't see myself as a complicated person. I'm friendly and understanding. I tend to put up with too much. I don't judge, I am no one to do so. I sing and i love it! I'm very interested in Sign Language and will soon learn how to sign fluently. I miss my daddy and all i want is to be with him<3