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I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you.
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you

Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel you next to me
you take the pain I feel.
waking up to you never felt so real.
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real

Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes open up

Comatose
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you!
Oh how I adore you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I thirst for you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I adore you, ohhhh
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real 

Better than drugs

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
Calm the ache, stop the shakes
You clear my mind
You're my escape
From this messed up place
'Cause you let me forget
You numb my pain

How can I tell you just all that you are
What you do to me

You're better than drugs
your love is like wine
Feel you comin' on so fast
Feel you comin' to get me high
You're better than drugs
Addicted for life
Feel you comin' on so fast
Feel you comin' on to get me high

Feel you when I'm restless
Feel you when I cannot cope
You're my addiction, my prescription, my antidote
You kill the poison
Ease the suffering
Calm the rage when I'm afraid
To feel again

How can I tell you just all that you are
What you do to me



Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
You're the strength of my life


Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights..
Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you come to get me high..

My heart still beats for you.

I miss your eyes, your lips, your laugh, your arms, your hands. I miss you! I miss your love, your care, your understanding, your friendship, your humor. I miss you! I miss your kiss, your hug, how you held me, even the wrestling. I MISS YOU. This time away is healthy for both of us and we know it is. But when the time comes that you forget me and get over me, I don't want to be here and watch. Because I know for a fact I won't be over you. It's funny how happy we make each other, and how miserable we are far apart. Well at least I am. I don't want to be here when you move on. When you love another. When she becomes "The prettiest" all it would do is kill me inside. I would have to keep going. What if I leave and our love grows? I ask God for that every night. If it doesn't happen, then you weren't for me, if it does...then, again, I will be the happiest girl walking on this earth. All i'm scared of is that i'll leave and if i come back things will be different, that I won't be the one. I'm not keeping my hopes up, what ever happens, happens. If it's heartbreaking i'll have to deal with it. If it's happy again, then I want nothing else than to be in your arms again.

Walking alone, away..forever.

I thought we would walk hand in hand forever. I thought we would go through any obstacle without letting go. I thought our love would be stronger than anything else in this world. I thought that love would take us to places we've never been before. I thought we belonged together. I was wrong. I now see what it really is. Giving up on the best thing in your life, or so i thought. I walk alone, I walk away, I won't turn back. My heart breaks, my heart tears and I can no longer hear it's song. The song that played "I love you" has lost it's meaning. It has walked away. So now it's my turn. I walk away, I won't turn back. I walk away, I won't turn back. I walk away, I won't turn back. It still makes no sense. I don't want to, but I have to. I'm broken, but my appearance seems fixed. I'm sad, but my appearance seems happy. I'm lost...my appearance seems found. How can one person possibly make me have all these feelings. I want to hug you and never let go, but I want to run away from you and never turn back. Run after me and tell me it will be okay. I want to look into your eyes once again and tell you how much you mean to me, but I want to look away and never look back.  Turn my face and tell me it will be okay. I want to hold your hand and take care of you with my life, but I want to let go and get used to walking alone. Hold my hand, never let go and tell me it will be okay. That will never happen, that's why...I walk away, I won't turn back.

Praise to the one who gives and takes away!

I'm thankful, because by having Jesus I have it all. I feel kinda weird right now. Something is wrong i can feel it. I talked to him today and earlier i was just broken again, but i dropped to my knees and thanked the Lord. Then like an hour ago we talked again. I miss him, alot, but God is doing his thing. I'll always keep him in my prayers and I know God will find his way to his heart. He's gonna work on both of us individually. When He transforms him, i want to be the first to know. Even though I won't be here anymore I will be so proud!

May 18.

As days go by I become stronger and stronger. I become a better person, but you...you're showing me the total opposite. I woke up this morning with the regret of alot of things, so much. I don't understand why you tried for me if in the end you would just want to regret everything. But you know what, that teaches me a whole lot from you; you see me as an enemy when enemy's are all around you, i was actually your friend and like you said your "Best friend" i never did a thing to hurt you or cause you pain. I know you will have alot to say, but you know what? You know what things you say are true and what are lies. As of now i move on! Mark my words I WILL FORGET YOU, and when I do I will never turn back. To think you were everything to me and i loved you with all my heart, you made feelings come and now you're making them go away. I will keep praying for you but as of today you're in Gods hands, no longer in my thoughts. I've reached my point and whatever you do, is all on you. I WILL resist any temptation to talk to you or think about you. And when I leave, you're gonna miss me, cause there will never be a girl who will love you and care for you as much as I did, that I assure you. As of May 18, you will lose me COMPLETELY. It's not a see you later, it's a good bye.

Sometimes you just need to let go and let God!

Well it's been 5 days, and i'm doing better than before. As days pass i do miss him more and more, but the weird thing is that sometimes i will miss only his friendship and other times i will miss his love. When i'm excited and sooo happy I want to tell him what's going on and i just want to share that moment. When i'm sad or scared i miss his arms holding me telling me he loves me, only me. I know he will most likely start hanging out with people that made me uncomfortable, but the thing is...i don't feel that so much anymore. I just hope i'm wrong about those people, cause if they hurt him in any way I will go out of MY way. I do think about him a lot, but now i'm learning to keep myself busy and just not think. I'm glad to say I think about God most of the time now. Then i'll start praying for him. I wonder if he realizes how much i loved him. But i've let go now, it's in Gods hands. He'll set everything straight and i pray He finds his way into his heart. "Goodnight babe, i love you" I've let go, i'm letting God!

My prayer, a spark of hope.

Third day, it feels like it's been a whole year without him. Everywhere i go, everything i see reminds me of him. How can someone love a person this much. A soda "awh he loves Dr. Pepper" a notebook "awh he loved when i would write to him and his notebook" a car "he wants a car for his bday" the list goes on and on. Yesterday I realized something i should have realized a long time ago. He's the one, the ONLY one who will ever make me happy. I know that for a fact. He has done a lot to hurt me and i admit it, but it doesn't mean he has in any way ruined my life. He poured his heart out to me, he opened up and i was there every step of the way. I've been at peace today, God is working with me. Last night I broke before him, and i prayed "God, whatever you need to do please do it now. It hurts" I set everything aside, EVERYTHING and i am focused on pulling closer to God. Cause honestly what can i do without him? If i leave it all up to myself i'm pretty much screwed. I also realized the beauty of a mans stubbornes. A man can be so stubborn in loving God and saying "God i won't let go" he can be so stubborn in loving his girl and say "That's the girl God gave me and i am not letting go" but then there's the man who does not yet know how to use his stubborness and says "God I can do this alone, i don't need you" but that man will break. Here's my prayer today...
"Dear God almighty, I want to thank you for everything you have done in my life, because i know everything is for a purpose. I ask you heal my broken heart and for you to transform it into something no one will be able to break. God I ask you for him as well. I know i'm not the only one here hurting so i ask you give him strength and wisdom in every one of his choices. I ask you protect him in everything he does. I love him so much and you know i do. Everything is now in your hands. In the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit...Amen"

Living through a heartbreak.

It's been two days, and I am dying. I'm sure any person going through a breakup can relate to me and my feelings. I look back to everything we had together, everything we did together, everything we went through together and to think it's all gone, is too much to understand. I hate when night comes around, I sleep and all I dream is him saying "babe I love you" with that cute face I love so much and those kisses I adore! Then I wake up...and realize it's just a dream. Now the thing is I don't hate him, I don't have a grudge or anything because I know he loves me. The one thing I can't seem to get through my head is, why did he give up on me. I know and admit there was things he didn't like; my jealousy, my insecurity. But if he loved me so much why just give up? He knew he was all I had left and all I was looking forward to in life. Now many people say you're only 18 you're young don't get stuck with ONE guy. Well here's my response to all that. No matter what age you are, when you fall IN love, it will be the same exact feeling as a 30 year old. When that person you're IN love with walks away, that hurt will be the same from a 35 year old. And I mean really really in love. Not a couple weeks and "oh babe i love you i want to be with you the rest of my life" NO! I mean when you really get to know that person, when you get to know their flaws and still love everything about them. When you do all you can to make your relationship happy. And lets be realistic, EVERY couple fights. There is not ONE couple that has not gotten into an argument. But that love should be the one keeping everything strong and worth it. Keep people and their comments away. Don't get me wrong, advice is good but only to a certain extent. I'm just so lost right now, i would do anything to be back in his arms, i would do anything to hug him and never let go, to kiss his face and hear him be chipilon again. I know my desires are different from his though and I must admit, it really really hurts. Time to blame myself, I know it wasn't ALL MY fault that it's over but I know part of it is. My insecurity and jealousy drove him out the door and i admit it. I regret it. I know and believe deep down that he didn't cheat or anything, but when it was at the moment i found something that bothered me i would go overboard. I've let all that go, all i want is him. But let's get this through my head and heart....He's not coming back. MOVE ON! 

A cold heart breaks, mines is torn.

About four years ago I met the most amazing guy, I was only 15. The first time I laid eyes on him I felt like he was the one. As time passed he seemed too good to be true. Then began the trouble; I fell too soon. Heartbreak after heartbreak was all I found myself with. How could I possibly love someone who loves to see me hurting? Time went by and again he held my heart, only this time it seemed different. I was happy, he seemed happy and nothing in the world would change that, nothing except the fact that there was someone else making him happy as well. WHY!? Broken and afraid I laid in my bed, day after day. I had given up completely. As time passed I learned how to cope with my heartbreak and pick up all the pieces of my broken heart. When out of nowhere he comes back. His sweet words and intention on getting my heart back and fixing it himself led me to believe he was true. These past 7 months have been the best months of my entire life. I planned a future with him; marriage, kids, growing old together, forever! I've tried all I can to be the perfect girlfriend. I feel like I have failed. Why else would he not want to be together all the time? Is that not what is wanted when two people are in love? Why has being attached to me become something to stay away from? Well today I have realized why. I'm that annoying thing that gets in the way of anything "good" that might happen to him. I'm that stubborn thing that cares too much. I'm that person that is in the way of doing everything he wants to do. I'm loved too much. I'm letting you free...but I give up. No more strength means no more moving forward. You are free to find the girl of your dreams, i will be long gone. I don't want anything to do with marriage or having kids or growing old with someone. I have given up on my life. Cause you were my eyes, you were my legs and feet, what kept me going. You were my arms and hands and what gave me strength. You held my heart......but I hadn't realized you let go a long time ago. </3

About myself.

My name is simple; Ruby. I love to write, I won't say I'm great at it 'cause I know I am not. The only reason why I do write is because it is the only way I let EVERYTHING out. I don't see myself as a complicated person. I'm friendly and understanding. I tend to put up with too much. I don't judge, I am no one to do so. I sing and i love it! I'm very interested in Sign Language and will soon learn how to sign fluently. I miss my daddy and all i want is to be with him<3